EUROVISION 2026: AND THE WINNER IS... BY SANDRA HARRIS.

EUROVISION 2026: AND THE WINNER IS...

BY SANDRA HARRIS.

Well, it's all over now for another year. And what's another year, lol. This year's Eurovision, held in Vienna, Austria, was probably one of the most controversial ever, due to the continued presence of Israel in the singing contest, but it seems to all have passed off without incident, thank God.

Ireland was one of five countries who boycotted the competition this year because of Israel's participation- the others were Spain, Iceland, Slovenia and the Netherlands.

RTE, Ireland's state broadcaster, didn't even show the competition on television last Saturday night, so I had to get my yearly fix of Eurosong from the BBC. Graham Norton was the Beeb's presenter for the night. He's Irish himself, but, like, he's owned by England now, lol.

I wasn't particularly disappointed that Ireland wasn't in it, as we haven't had good entries for a few years now, not like the glory days of yore. No, I was more annoyed that RTE had appointed itself the moral gatekeeper of what we should and shouldn't be allowed to see, based on their opinions alone, when we're all charged a whopping TV licence fee every year whether we watch television or not.

They broadcasted an episode of Graham Linehan's fantastic clerical sitcom Father Ted instead, the one entitled A Song for Europe. As that lasts only thirty minutes, I've no idea what they put on for the other three and a half hours...

Anyway, the show was presented by some guy by the name of Michael Ostrowski and a stunning young woman called Victoria Swarovski, and if you think you recognise her surname, you do.

She's only the flipping heir to the whopping Swarovski fashion, crystal and jewellery empire...! Can you even begin to imagine the privilege...? It sounds like something out of a Jackie Collins or Danielle Steel blockbuster!

Songs I liked included Albania's Mother, because it was sad and it seemed to be about mothers possibly waiting for their sons to come back from from war, plus the singer apparently had his own mum join him on stage as part of the performance. As a mother myself, I fell for the sentiment hook, line and sinker.

I also liked Moldova's energetic rendition of Viva Moldova!, because it was an enjoyable unashamed promotion of their country. Welcome to Moldova, they sang with chest, and why the hell not? They had a captive audience, after all. I also liked Israel's Michelle and Norway's Ya Ya Ya, plus one or two others.

I'm afraid I didn't like our neighbour's, the UK's, entry, Eins, Zwei, Drei by an act called Look Mum No Computer. I wasn't the only one, as the UK came dead last in the competition with only one- yes, one- point. That's only one point above the kiss of death, nul points. It's come last a few times since Brexit, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence...

There were two other acts in which England was represented, if you get me, by English people. Boy George sang as part of the San Marino act, which didn't make it to the Saturday night final, and a gorgeous Shakira-lookalike called Antigoni, who was a contestant on English reality television show Love Island in 2023, represented Cyprus with a bouncy, poppy number called Jalla, which I genuinely liked. It came nowhere, sadly.

Another random fact: Delta Goodrem, who once dated former Westlife member Brian McFadden and of whom there is a wax facsimile at Madame Tussaud's in Sydney, was the Australian act. Her song Eclipse, plus the staging, were definitely giving 'possible winner' vibes but alas, it wasn't to be.

There was a definite shortage of quirky folky acts dressed in lederhosen or national costume on the night. In fact, there seemed to be a dress code that said simply, wear black or white, or black and white. Why so monochrome? Why no bright colours? The least you can expect from Eurovision, surely, is a glorious riot of clashing colours.

(Reminds me of the time a man from the council came to paint my balcony. He says I could choose whatever colour I wanted. Great, what are the choices, I ask him. Blue or green, he says. I say, any other colours? He answers, aquamarine. Entranced, I say, what colour's that? Bluey-green, he says. I nearly snap his hand off. I'll have that, I say.)

Also, nearly every female singer, and there were loads, had long straight dark hair, which contributed to the notion that everything looked very samey this year. Antigoni has long curly blonde hair but the other woman just looked like carbon copies of each other, like they've all come off the same assembly line. I guess that's just the way it is now but whatever happened to a little bit of variety...?

I must say, I did not approve of the Romanian entry, which had a young woman dressed in black bondage gear screeching, choke me, choke me, choke me! She apparently defended her song to the media by saying that the choking was only metaphorical in nature, as in, she's feeling a suffocating overwhelmedness, so not to worry, folks, nothing to see here!

Metaphorical my arse. Surely anyone with eyes can see that the song promotes a dangerous sexual practice that has left women dead or with severe brain damage, a practice that even schoolkids are latching on to now and including in their sexual repertoire...? Thank God it didn't bloody win, that's all I can say.

The winning song was Bangaranga by Bulgarian act, Dara. (Israel came second, mostly courtesy of the public vote.) It's the first time Bulgaria has ever won the contest, and it's the first time since 2017 that an act has won both the jury vote and the televote, or people's vote, so it's a popular win.

I've no idea what Bangaranga means, but it's a banging(!) dance tune that will get everyone up on the dance floor shaking their tatas and things with unbridled joy. I consider it to be a fair winner.

Speaking of tatas (I was, briefly), one of the women presenting her country's jury vote- I forget which country- was wearing a dress that made her look like she'd run tits-first into a rosebush, but at least the dress was bright pink and not black or white, which genuinely seemed to be the uniform colour for the whole thing.

Anyway, it was a great night overall and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It took me briefly away from the bills and appointments and responsibilities and the overall feeling of hopelessness that seem to be part and parcel of modern living. We truly were all 'United by Music,' if only for the few hours. Roll on next year.