Sandra Harris Writes

SAM NEILL: REST IN PEACE. BY SANDRA HARRIS. I was genuinely shocked and saddened (crikey, now I sound like a phoney, cliche-ridden politician) to hear this morning that the actor Sam Neill had died. I've both admired and fancied him ever since I first saw him in a made-for-television film in the 'Eighties sometime. The Sunday afternoon film was one of the highlights of my week, distracting me as it did from school bullies and the mountain of homework our teachers seemed to think was okay to pile on us, even though we spent six-and-a-half hours of every day in school as it was. Anyway, the film was Ivanhoe (1982) , based on the 1819 novel of the same name by Sir Walter Scott, and Sam Neill was so handsome in it as Sir Brian de Bois-Gilbert that I was immediately enchanted. Thus began a crush that lasted to this very day, the sad day of his death, but it definitely won't end here. My heart will go on, lol. Although everyone knows Sam Neill as hailing from New...

HEATWAVE 2013 OR, THE SHINING PART TWO, WITH APOLOGIES TO STEPHEN KING... A POEM BY SANDRA HARRIS. © The sun came to stay for a while in July 2013, Bringing with him an alarming mountain of luggage, Enough for several weeks, surely...? We weren't expecting him and so we weren't as prepared As we might otherwise have been. There was a bit of a rush to clear out the spare room, To air the sheets and towels and stick fresh flowers in the vase on the night-stand To make the place a bit welcoming. “What would you like to do today, then?” we asked him on his first full day. He shrugged. “I think I'll just shine for a bit,” he said. He was as good as his word.  He shone every day for three whole weeks. “Are you sure you wouldn't like to do something different for a change?” we'd ask him Every morning. “Drive down to Glendalough, maybe, or over to see the Cliffs Of Moher? They're meant to be lovely, they are, at this time of the year...?” ...

WE’RE HAVING A HEATWAVE… BY SANDRA HARRIS. © I know I’m going to come across as grumpy and ungrateful now but I’m really not enjoying this heatwave. Ah, don’t be such an auld buzzkill, you might say. Surely be to God you’re happy for the first daycent (Oirish pronunciation) bit of sunshine we’ve had all year, you might say. Surely you don’t begrudge people a bit of relief from the unrelenting misery that’s been 2026 so far, with constant wars, spiralling grocery and electricity prices and the general breakdown of society that seemed to start with bloody COVID and will surely end with an apocalyptic style flood/earthquake/tsunami that sets us back about a bazillion years and forces us all into a hard reset for mankind, you might say. Well, of course I don’t begrudge people a bit of relief from the unrelenting misery that’s been 2026 so far, etc., etc. I know kids have been having a ball with their paddling pools, ice-creams and spontaneous, unscheduled trips to the beach instead...

  HOT GIRLS WANTED: TURNED ON. (2017) A NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY SERIES. PRODUCED BY JILL BAUER, RONNA GRADUS AND RASHIDA JONES. REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. I literally couldn't wait to sit down and write this review, even though I'm nearly a decade late to the party and the show has been on Netflix for several years. This documentary series is a follow-up to the 2015 documentary film, Hot Girls Wanted, in which several young girls/women are interviewed about their lives as amateur porn actresses. They all live in a grotty bungalow with twenty-three-year-old Riley Reynolds, a porn agent, in North Miami Beach. Yes, they go to casting calls and shoot amateur porn movies, but there's an awful lot of sitting around bored on their phones in Riley's house and overall the life isn't as glamorous as it sounds. Riley, though not abusive, reminds me of nothing so much as a douche-baggy pimp, and his words (paraphrased by me as I remember them) live rent-free in my head: '...

EUROVISION 2026: AND THE WINNER IS... BY SANDRA HARRIS. Well, it's all over now for another year. And what's another year, lol. This year's Eurovision, held in Vienna, Austria, was probably one of the most controversial ever, due to the continued presence of Israel in the singing contest, but it seems to all have passed off without incident, thank God. Ireland was one of five countries who boycotted the competition this year because of Israel's participation- the others were Spain, Iceland, Slovenia and the Netherlands. RTE, Ireland's state broadcaster, didn't even show the competition on television last Saturday night, so I had to get my yearly fix of Eurosong from the BBC. Graham Norton was the Beeb's presenter for the night. He's Irish himself, but, like, he's owned by England now, lol. I wasn't particularly disappointed that Ireland wasn't in it, as we haven't had good entries for a few years now, not like the g...

  A BITTER WOMAN’S GUIDE TO WRITING. BY SANDRA HARRIS. 1.         Don’t bother with goals- you’ll never keep them anyway and you’ll only get depressed. 2.       Always wait for inspiration to strike before you write anything- there’s no point sitting staring at a blank screen twiddling your thumbs. Go on social media instead, see if inspiration strikes there. 3.       Don’t waste your time looking for writing ideas in nature or in observing other people. The ideas are already all in your own head- no outside input needed. 4.       Why bother reading anyone else’s books or writings? They’ll only confuse you and your own style will end up as an irritating hodge-podge of other people’s. Best to develop your own distinctive voice by staying away from other people’s. If you really must read something, try a celebrity magazine or, again, social media. 5.       Don’t waste your precious words on wh...