MISSING YOU ALREADY, STRICTLY COME DANCING... BY SANDRA HARRIS.


 


MISSING YOU ALREADY, STRICTLY!

BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

STRICTLY COME DANCING held its twentieth final the other night, and peel my tangerines if it wasn’t a total glamour-fest! My kids and I have been watching it for about twelve or thirteen years now and it’s been the highlight of our winter televisual viewing season ever since. This year they celebrated their twentieth anniversary and this added an extra element of nostalgia and excitement to the whole thing.

Back in the days of X FACTOR, when the two shows would clash on rival stations, we’d have to make do with watching STRICTLY during the breaks of Simon Cowell’s massive brainchild (that’s kind of an odd image, isn’t it?), but, with the demise of X FACTOR, it’s been STRICTLY all the way ever since on a Saturday night.

It's a dancing talent competition show with ‘celebrities’ as the contestants, as opposed to the ‘ordinary’ folks utilised in regular talent shows. I put ‘celebrities’ in inverted commas because, sometimes, they are Z-listers at best and most of ‘em just belong to the BBC in some way anyway, as in, they’re television presenters, newsreaders, weathergirls, or children’s TV presenters, things of that ilk.

The celebs each get assigned a professional dancer who works on the show. We used to love the bit where they matched them all up in the studio and a handsome male dancer, say, would have to pretend to be ecstatically happy to be partnered with the oldest, wrinkliest and heaviest lady celeb.

I know that’s a very un-woke thing to say, but it’s true, lol. It works the other way too, of course, with the lady professional dancers having to cheer and whoop about being partnered with a decrepit auld fella who makes Shrek look like Pierce Brosnan.

The show’s presenters are Tess Daly, wife of TV presenter Vernon Kay, and Claudia Winkleman, she of the glossy, flake-free hair from the Head & Shoulders adverts. Dear old Bruce Forsyth, legendary entertainer, actor and gameshow host, used to co-host the show with Tess before he passed away in 2017 at the ripe old age of eighty-nine.

Bruce was a legend but Tess and Claudia are well suited to each other and seeing them on the television every Saturday night is a bit like getting a visit from two close friends. I’m not exaggerating or being sappy when I say this. My kids and I have always found it to be the warmest, friendliest show on the air and we’ve always likened it to getting a great big sparkly hug from your telly-box.

The judges are lovely too. Craig Revel-Horwood is the pantomime villain who, even if you dance like Baryshnikov, will always find a way not to take out his Number Ten paddle. ‘Your thumb was sticking out, dawling,’ is a favourite response, along with ‘That was a dawnce disawster, dawling!’ But he’s as soft as butter, really.

Motsi Mabuse is a South African dancer and TV star, and the sister of Oti Mabuse, who used to be a dancer on the show. Motsi has no problem with showing her emotions while judging the various dances. I’m the same myself, if a dance is in any way moving. A big box of Kleenex might just get me through an episode, if I’m lucky…

Shirley Ballas, a dancer known as the ‘Queen of Latin’ for her numerous competition wins, is Head Judge on the panel. She has an eye for the fit male body, especially a nice chest with abs, and did you know that it’s never too early for a ten from Shirley…?

Personally, I prefer not to see tens being handed out like sweeties on the show until the later stages; I want the celebs to work for their tens, not have them handed to them on a plate, tsk tsk.

Anton du Beke used to dance on the show- he famously wiped the floor with Ann Widdecombe one year- and now he’s a judge. He was brought in to replace passionate British-Italian dancer Bruno Tonioli, but it’s Len Goodman he’s really channelling.

Len, a professional ballroom dancer who used to say funny Cockney things like pickle me walnuts and other stuff like that on the show, sadly passed away in 2023 aged seventy-eight, but his seat’s being well warmed by Anton, so that’s okay.

Then there’s the so-called ‘Strictly curse,’ the term given to the fact that the professional dancers and their celebrity partners are always getting off with each other and sometimes marriages even end and are replaced by new relationships.

It’s all that sweaty close contact in the training rooms, and have you seen how intimate and steamy some of those dances are…? You wouldn’t give in credence. The lifts and cartwheels frequently involve a little manoeuvre I like to call the ‘fanny-to-face.’ It’s hard not to raise an eyebrow, lol.

It’s not all sweetness and light on the show, however. It’s been mired in controversy all year over allegations that some of the professional dancers bullied their celebrity partners, and now, because of that, two of the hottest guys on the show have left STRICTLY and chaperones are being hired to keep an eye on the lot of them in the training rooms. That’ll certainly cramp the style of any professional dancer or celeb hoping to cop off with their partners behind closed training room doors…

The show is quite progressive usually in its choice of celebs. It’s been won in recent years by both a deaf woman and a blind man- this year’s winner, Chris McCausland- and loads of Paralympians and disabled people have taken part over the course of its tenure. It was also the first show- after ITV’s DANCING ON ICE- to feature same-sex couples dancing together.

Given the show’s obvious ‘wokeness,’ then, one might wonder why they think it’s okay to actively set up Vito, an Italian male professional dancer, as a figure of fun in each episode, with his ‘hilarious’ fast-talking, Italian-accented broken English a source of obvious amusement for both the studio and home audiences. Oh well. They do nearly everything else brilliantly. I suppose we can forgive them the occasional moment of bad taste…

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