A SUITABLE GIRL. (2017) A TALE OF ARRANGED MARRIAGE REVIEWED BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
A SUITABLE GIRL. (2017) A NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY FILM
DIRECTED BY SARITA KHURANA AND SMRITI MUNDHRA.
REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
I found this Netflix
documentary on arranged marriages in modern-day India to be absolutely
fascinating, even though there were definitely bits that made me angry and bits
that shocked me. My kids and I watched it over Sunday evening dinner with our
eyes bugging out at times, it must be said, at the occasionally disturbing
content.
It follows three young women
living in Mumbai and Delhi as they negotiate the tricky world of finding a husband
in India in the technological age. Some elements of the process have changed
with time; other things remain the same. The women are all in their twenties,
likeable, attractive and described as educated, financially stable and middle
class.
There’s a lot of pressure put
on Indian women to get married once they reach a certain point in their lives.
Usually, once they finish university or college, they’re fair game, from what I
could see, whereas the men are allowed a bit more time to establish themselves
in a career with good financial prospects, which straightaway struck me as a
tad unfair.
Often, the pressure to get
married can come from grandparents or aunts and uncles of the girl in question.
When are you going to get So-and-So married off? It’s getting late/she’s
getting older/you don’t want her to be an old maid, do you?/don’t you want her
off your hands? If the girl’s parents hear enough of this type of thing
from their own elders or siblings, then they’ll start stepping up the Campaign
to Find So-and-So a Husband.
There are a few different
ways in which you can find a man in present day India. You could meet him in
the normal way, through work or college or through having been childhood
friends, but even then you might still engage the services of a match-maker or
marriage broker.
This will be an older and
usually much-liked figure in the local neighbourhood, who studies a photograph
of the woman and the man and also the horoscope of each candidate, and then
says whether they’ll be suited to each other or not.
No disrespect to Indian customs, but this
sounds a bit mad to me. After all, we’re talking about the man or woman you’re supposed
to be going to spend the rest of your life with. Still, it’s the way it’s done.
After the match-maker deems the couple a potentially good match, a process
known as ‘seeing the girl’ takes place. I didn’t really care too much for this
process, to be honest.
Dipti Admane, the oldest of
the girls in the film at twenty-nine (twenty-nine isn’t old, for crying out
loud!) and the one for whom we probably feel the most sympathy, has to go
through this rather degrading process in the documentary.
Dipti and her mum have
already scoured the Internet for marriage ads- that’s what I meant earlier when
I said that some elements of husband-finding have changed over time!- and they’ve
even been to some kind of speed-dating, spouse-seeking event that just comes
across as a bit of a meat market. Poor Dipti was rejected at this market for
being a tad overweight, which is grossly unfair as she’s a genuinely beautiful
woman and a lovely person to boot.
Eventually, she has a potential suitor come to her parents’ home, where she still lives, for the part of the marriage journey known as ‘seeing the girl,’ mentioned above. The man and his sister- it could also be parents or other relatives who accompany the maybe-groom-to-be on this expedition- sit with Dipti’s parents and chat about the man’s ‘requirements.’
Meanwhile, Dipti
hides nervously in the kitchen, waiting for the right moment to come when,
dressed in her best clothes, she’ll make a ceremonial entrance carrying a tray
of tea and snacks.
It’s a soul-destroying moment
for the viewer when the potential husband shows almost a complete lack of
interest in Dipti. She’s been put on show like a prize cow, and it’s don’t call
us, we’ll call you, except he doesn’t, and they never hear from the guy again.
Eventually, she finds someone, an extremely smiley Indian man I don’t quite
trust for some reason, and they wed, but I don’t envy her having to jump
through so many hoops to find a man.
What exactly are the men
looking for in a wife? Beauty, that she be shorter and smaller than her
husband, grace and femininity. Oh, and she has to be a fabulous cook and
housekeeper, because she’ll be cooking, cleaning and even entertaining for her husband every day for the rest
of both their lives.
A clumsy and highly
indifferent cook such as myself wouldn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell
under these strict criteria…! Indian men also value ‘fairness’ of skin in a
potential wife: a ‘wheatish-coloured’ complexion is seen as a sign of beauty in
a woman, which is odd as most Indian women probably have a darkish tone to
their skin.
Indian culture clearly values
feminine beauty just as much as any of our Western communities, which is kind
of a disappointment. When will a decent set of values and an abundance of
compassion count for anything in the matrimonial stakes?
What do the birds expect from
the bloke they might be going to shackle themselves to for all eternity,
because an Indian marriage is for life? Well, it’s better if he’s taller than
them and preferably handsome; also, he must be educated and financially stable,
because he’ll be providing for the woman and any children of the marriage for
the rest of their joint lives.
Amrita Jhanwar, another of
the ‘brides,’ used to be a party chick and career girl living it large in New Delhi.
She has a degree in Economics, but marriage to Keshav has put paid to her
partying and her career. She has to move far away from her beloved
family in order to go and live with Keshav and his parents, which is what
usually happens when an Indian couple get married.
Keshav tells her that he’s
sorry, but he’s afraid that Amrita won’t be permitted to continue working now
she’s married, because Keshav has an invalid father and now it’s going to be
Amrita’s job to care for him, as well as for any children that happen along. Oh
goody. No wonder Amrita looks miserable. I think we’d all be miserable too,
under those circumstances.
The third and final girl,
Ritu Taparia, a twenty-two year old woman with a degree in Financing and a good
job, actually has a match-maker for a mum. Handy, that. Ritu gets a husband,
with a good job, I think in Financing as well, but when he’s interviewed on
camera, he says that he ‘wishes he was a European so that he didn’t have to go
through an arranged marriage.’
This doesn’t bode well, does
it? On the other hand, the husband has graciously granted his ‘permission’ for
Ritu to continue working outside the home after the wedding, so, with any luck,
they might be able to avoid seeing too much of each other during the week while they're off at their separate jobs. There’ll be money in the bank in that marriage, but
love? Who knows…?
There was no mention of
dowries in the film, but they do still exist. A dowry is the money or goods,
such as furniture or fridges, that the woman brings to the marriage. Rows over
dowries still lead to rows and arguments and, sometimes, even the murder of the
bride, often by setting her alight with a dangerous household fuel so that,
afterwards, the perpetrators can say it was an accident. ‘Dowry deaths,’ ‘bride-burnings,’ domestic violence and child marriage still take place in India, and it’s always the woman who
suffers.
Watch EAST IS EAST (1999) for a peep into the tragi-comic side of arranged marriages between Pakistani immigrants living in 1970s Britain, or NH10 (2015) for a truly shocking story of bride-murder or so-called ‘honour killing’ by members of her own family. As for Dipti, Amrita and Ritu, I wish them all the luck in the world, but I’m not holding out much hope.
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
Her debut romantic fiction novel, 'THIRTEEN
STOPS,' is out now from Poolbeg Books:
https://www.amazon.com/Thirteen-Stops-Sandra-Harris-ebook/dp/B089DJMH64
The sequel, ‘THIRTEEN STOPS LATER,’ is
out now from Poolbeg Books:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1781994234
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a
Dublin-based novelist, poet, short story writer and film and book blogger. She
has studied Creative Writing and Vampirology. She has published a number of
e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews,
women's fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry.
Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of
Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
Her debut romantic fiction novel, 'THIRTEEN
STOPS,' is out now from Poolbeg Books:
https://www.amazon.com/Thirteen-Stops-Sandra-Harris-ebook/dp/B089DJMH64
The sequel, ‘THIRTEEN STOPS LATER,’ is
out now from Poolbeg Books:
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